the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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