Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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