Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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