It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
