Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
