Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
