im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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