dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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