Can i not drive my cunt home
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
