i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
