I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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