So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
