Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
