last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
