I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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