my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
