My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
