just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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