I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
