how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
