You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
