It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He felt like a one man threesome
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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