its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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