Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is Oprah even human
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
