There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
