Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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