so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
