I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
