I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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