I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
handjob tips. give me some.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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