when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
