man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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