Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
