I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
