She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
