I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
