you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
