I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
