Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Randomize
