She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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