Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My bed smells like the plague
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
