we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
