kristin has been a bad kristin
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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