Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
