Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
