If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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