i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
