My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
