Just cropdusted the office
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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