OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
